Need Versus Wants

Uncategorized Nov 30, 2018

Did you manage to avoid all of the temptations of not just Black Friday but the pre-Black Friday ‘exclusive offers,’ the ‘extended for 48 hours only’ Black Friday offers or buckle like me when I saw adverts flaunting supposedly even better deals on Cyber Monday?

Jeeeeze…it was sales marketing on overdrive. Did you find yourself wasting an hour (or more) hunting out that elusive bargain?

You know I’m a purveyor of making a list of the items missing in your wardrobe to avoid any mistake purchases, well I had a list to shop the sales. Actually, it wasn’t really a list. I had one thing I wanted, a gap in my wardrobe that I have wanted to fill for more than one season. Grey knee length boots with a flat or mid-height heel. Sounds fairly straightforward? And considering how much time I spend shopping for clients it should be a walk in the park for me, right? (I’m full off cheesy puns these days!) But these boots evaded me no matter how many web searches I did and scrolled through what must have amounted to thousands of boots – looking for ‘The One”. 

Until this week I had only previously considered ‘need versus want’ in the context of a relationship. Perhaps an ex  boyfriend used to say how much they needed us, but is it a healthy need? Need can feel suffocating; the "I can’t cope without you" kinda need...the type of need that dominates and controls. Insecurities can be dumped onto us to carry and fix for them. We desire to be wanted by our partners but this is very different to always being needed. A good strong two-way balanced relationship is ideal where you both want to be together.

But back to my shopping mantra. I tell myself and my lovely clients to shop only if you really need an item. If we filled our wardrobes with all the things we wanted there probably wouldn’t be any space to sleep in our homes and some very maxed out credit cards and empty bank balances. I had convinced myself that I needed those new grey boots. But the fascinating learning for me is that this is simply not true.

Because my need was not fulfilled by four days of sale shopping, I’m finding that my desire for these new boots is waning. I’ve been to four events this week, where for me, those elusive grey boots would have been the perfect complimentary accessory to the clothes I wanted to wear.  But I’ve had to push my own styling boundaries and create the looks I wanted without those supposedly ‘key’ grey boots. And guess what? I have! It’s been fun challenging myself to reinvent my pre-planned looks, minus the grey boots. In fact, only five days on and I’ve now convinced myself that it’s worth the wait for those perfect grey boots because I’m going to have a whole season of new looks without adding them into the mix.

When you have less, you have to dig a little deeper to be more creative and that brought a new level of satisfaction. I could easily have been frustrated but instead, I took it on as a challenge. Not one single person has said to me “Oh Kay, why don’t you wear grey boots, they’d really suit you….” The disappointment of not having something was only in my mind and it’s been swiftly kicked into touch.

I’m going to hold out for a sustainable pair of grey boots (none of the ones I looked at this season could claim that badge of honour) and I will now happily wait until they find me, or I find them. My desire has waned and sustainable wins!

Also having not spent a considerable sum this month means that my favourite dog charity is going to get an extra donation, which I know will be really appreciated with winter rapidly approaching.

Thank you, Black Friday sales, for not having grey boots this year. I think I can firmly chalk up your efforts to sell me something that it turns out I actually didn’t really need, a great success on many levels!

Stylish Wishes




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